August 17th, 2007
NOTE FROM CARL:
C’mon… you’ve thought about it. Admit it.
The Top 8 Ways the World
Would Be Different If Bodily Detritus
Were Tradable as Currency
Would Be Different If Bodily Detritus
Were Tradable as Currency
8> Paying through the nose attains a more literal bent.
7> Clint Eastwood starring in “A Fistful of Pubes.”
6> The “happy ending” to your massage includes the tip.
5> “American Express: Don’t heave foam without it!”
4> The new tipping standard: 15%, or, if the service was especially good, spit in the waiter’s face.
3> Farmer-hankeeing into the automated booger tollbooth makes those hot summer roadtrips a blast!
2> The saying “That ain’t worth shit” takes on a whole new meaning.
and the Number 1 Way the World Would Be Different If Bodily Detritus Were Tradable as Currency…
1> That collection of urine ripening in those jars in your basement would need to be insured for a lot more.
.
Credits:
Selected from 25 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO — 1, 8 (3rd #1!)
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 2, Topic
Chuck Salerno, Schaumberg, IL — 2, 6
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 3, 7
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 4
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 5
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver, ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Scabs
Charles Schwab’s time-tested slogan would be “What’s Up, Chuck?”
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Hookers could be paid by an even more direct method than they are now, assuming they do their jobs well.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“I’m rich! I’m rich! I’ve got leprosy!”
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
The guy you used to call “Pizza-Face” is now the richest kid in school.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
With the amount of alcohol I drink, I could be a billionaire overnight!
(Chuck Salerno, Schaumberg, IL)
You could always sunburn yourself to a nice medium-well for some good skin-peelings to tide you over until the next payday.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Hookers could be paid by an even more direct method than they are now, assuming they do their jobs well.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“I’m rich! I’m rich! I’ve got leprosy!”
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
The guy you used to call “Pizza-Face” is now the richest kid in school.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
With the amount of alcohol I drink, I could be a billionaire overnight!
(Chuck Salerno, Schaumberg, IL)
You could always sunburn yourself to a nice medium-well for some good skin-peelings to tide you over until the next payday.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
