September 22nd, 2006
NOTE FROM CARL:
Today is the first day of autumn in
the northern hemisphere, yet many
of us are simply too busy to notice.
That segment of society with nothing
but time, however, is all over this
season-changing thing.
the northern hemisphere, yet many
of us are simply too busy to notice.
That segment of society with nothing
but time, however, is all over this
season-changing thing.
The Top 7 Ways Dead
People Know Summer Is Ending
People Know Summer Is Ending
7> All the stylish zombies have stopped wearing white shoes.
6> Satan stops handing out free beachballs with every new doomed soul.
5> Hands emerging from graveyard soil typically start by brushing away fallen leaves.
4> Sound of flip-flops dancing on their graves gradually transitions to sound of galoshes dancing on their graves.
3> The dog poo in the cemetery contains less grass and more dead leaves.
2> Knowing how much more important they are with November elections approaching, skeletons in the closet start acting all snooty.
and the Number 1 Way Dead People Know Summer Is Ending…
1> They’ve already put out the Thanksgiving crap at Dead, Death and Beyond.
.
Credits:
Selected from 33 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 1, 7 (2nd #1!)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, 5, 7 (Hat trick!)
Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA — 3, 6, 7 (Hat trick!)
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 4
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 7
Chris White, Studio City, CA — Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Dingle-buries
All the smart kids go back to school, so we’re left with the
drug-addled dropouts and their bitter-tasting meth-brains.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Both leaves and zombies less green: more orange with brown and plum tones.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
(Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY)
Brains just aren’t as crisp and juicy as they are at peak season.
(Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY)
Fewer drunk young picnickers horny for a little graveyard nookie on whom to snack.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
No more “Willie Wanker in the Chocolate Factory” since that horny funeral home intern went back to college.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Their skin mold changes from bright colors to more subdued earth tones.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Victim brain content now 50% less baseball, 50% more football.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Both leaves and zombies less green: more orange with brown and plum tones.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
(Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY)
Brains just aren’t as crisp and juicy as they are at peak season.
(Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY)
Fewer drunk young picnickers horny for a little graveyard nookie on whom to snack.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
No more “Willie Wanker in the Chocolate Factory” since that horny funeral home intern went back to college.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Their skin mold changes from bright colors to more subdued earth tones.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Victim brain content now 50% less baseball, 50% more football.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
