January 29, 2010     

Wallace Talbot Front

NOTE FROM THE GOOF:

It’s a WHAT storm? Yikes…
best of luck skiing this weekend, Sporto!

The Top 8 Unforeseen Consequences
of It Having Rained Men

8> Subsequent growth of the most weird-ass “May flowers” you ever
did see!

7> At least you’d finally have guys up on your house, which is
more than your lazy-ass, nowhere-to-be-found roofing
contractor can do.

6> Inches of topsoil stripped away due to precipitation’s
adolescent urge to see Mother Nature topless.

5> That’s not the sound of thunder, just continuous farting.

4> A 20% upsurge in heart attacks among nuns, spinsters, and
frantic mothers of young girls, as the rain didn’t exactly
arrive *clothed*.

3> Toilet. Seats. Up. Everywhere.

2> No wussy mudslides; for this storm it’s strictly beer, scotch
or tequila.

and the Number 1 Unforeseen Consequence of It Having Rained Men …

1> Large clusters of lost, wet men who refuse to ask for
directions.

.

Credits:

Selected from 30 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 1, 3 (8th #1!)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, 6
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 4, 8
Kathleen Wilder, Stow, OH — 5
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny

RUNNERS UP list — Wet Willies

Gonna have to wash the golf cart again.
     (Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)

Manholes, EVERYWHERE.
     (Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)

Paris Hilton issues a severe weather alert and then drowns.
     (Kathleen Wilder, Stow, OH)

Song lyrics changed to “every time it rains, it rains penises
from heaven.”
     (Kathleen Wilder, Stow, OH)

The state cleans up human remains. Not so for dogs, cats, frogs or
snow.
     (Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)

You can’t escape that Aqua Velva ass odor.
     (Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)

Runners Up list name
     (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)