With That, Fries?

NOTE FROM CARL:

Now after everybody in the US
has eaten themselves silly…

The Top 7 Thought Patterns
of Historic Culinary Pioneers

7> Little Caesar’s: “Hey, there’s no such thing as bad pizza, right?”

6> Cinnamon: “While Zoog was humping the knothole, he accidentally licked the tree bark, and he says it was tasty. I got us some to try -– from higher up on the tree.”

5> Honey: “Look! A hollow tree boiling over with thousands of aggressive, swarming, stinging insects! I shall now stick my hand in there and shove whatever I pull out into my mouth.”

4> Raisins: “Well, we all know how great fruit tastes when it goes bad… plus, these dried out grapes look like rabbit turds! Bonus!”

3> Smoked sausage: “So, you took all the parts we normally leave for the vultures, crushed them up with some strong-smelling weeds, then stuffed it all inside a long, slippery tube that used to be full of pigshit, and hung it over a smoky fire? That sounds fabulous!”

2> Kimchee: “Honey, where’s that spicy salad I made last summer? You BURIED it?”

and the Number 1 Thought Pattern of an Historic Culinary Pioneer…

1> Haggis: “Cheat on *me*, Patrick Fitsimmons? Let’s see how you like my sheep-lips-and-assholes sausage for dinner!”

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Credits:

Selected from 33 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 1, 2, Topic (2nd #1!)
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 3, 6, RU List Name
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 4, 5, 7 (Hat trick!)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (G

RUNNERS UP list — Gross-eries

Caviar: “If this ‘wheel’ thing of yours works, I’ll eat fish eggs!”
(Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina)

Dogsh*t: “Spot eat. Me want eat too.”
(Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA)

Jell-O: “You know, imbibing this distilled fermented grain straight is fun, but it lacks the offbeat wackiness of doing so in a mold of congealed boiled horses’ hooves.”
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

McBurger: “Damn, industrial waste management is too expensive. I wonder if I could just trick somebody into eating it.”
(Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina)

Sausage: “Hey, this dead tiger just finished eating a pig. Two for one!”
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)

Thanksgiving Turkey: “I better hide the good stuff in this bird, so nobody eats it before me.”
(Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina)