January 25th, 2008



NOTE FROM CARL:
An eye roll, a vocal inflection, followed up
with her crinkled-nose sneer… those words
she just delivered need some unpacking.


The Top 8 Things We
Think She Meant By That


8> The restraining order just shows how hard she wants you to try to win her affection.

7> It’s at least theoretically feasible that you (A) infect her with minor illnesses such as the common cold from time to time, and/or (B) were conceived out of wedlock.

6> It doesn’t matter if you get the point, because you’re a man, and therfore hopeless. And that’s not sexist.

5> I’m a Pro, so *hell* no you are *not* getting your money back!

4> In a hypothetically-posited thriving international Wiccan culture, your mother’s skill and charisma would inevitably earn her preeminent worldwide status.

3> Of course neither of you seriously can be expected to travel to her godchild’s christening the weekend the tractor pull is in town.

2> I don’t need a strong gag reflex with *that*.

and the Number 1 Thing We Think She Meant By That …

1> She’s profanely disgusted with both mosquito repellant *and* fabric colorizing agents.




.

Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1, 4, 7 (Hat trick!) (12th #1!)
Jill Gallagher, Issaquah, WA — 2, 5
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 3, 8
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 6, Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny



RUNNERS UP list — We Didn’t Get It…

I’m sure the servers at Taco Bell have the same issue.
(Jill Gallagher, Issaquah, WA)

I’m wrong.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)

It should never be used in the form of a rectal suppository.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

What she said was … well who am I kidding, I haven’t heard a damn thing that woman said since the day I married her.
(Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH)

Your sexual prowess is clearly indicated by your ability to recall Monty Python quotes.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)