November 30, 2007     

Wooden Talking Friends

NOTE FROM CARL:

Do you *truly* know where that hand has been?

The Top 8 Signs Your
Puppet Has Its Own Agenda

8> Caught him on eBay searching for a Hannibal Lechter doll.

7> Even though his lips don’t move, you find yourself emitting
lecherous come-ons to Miss Piggy.

6> Insists on his own sidekick. Preferably a ragingly horny
Raggedy Ann.

5> Senor Wences’ hand has been staring bug-eyed at that bulge in
your pants all day.

4> You wake up one morning to find a ketchup-soaked chicken
finger lying in your bed.

3> Arranges strings around his neck so that he partially chokes
while wanking.

2> He’s hidden the “Veto” stamp.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Puppet Has Its Own Agenda …

1> Insists everyone sticks their hand up his ass even though he’s
a marionette.

.

Credits:

Selected from 30 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Jill Gallagher, Issaquah, WA — 1, 8 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 2
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 4
Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 5
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 6
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny

RUNNERS UP list — Splinter group

Applies lube to his insides, then rocks up and down on your hand.
     (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

He continually interrupts the board meeting to ask why they
haven’t ratified the report of the Compensation Committee yet.
     (J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)

He refers to Fran and Ollie as “the other Supremes”.
     (Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)

Keeps trying to pair with other socks.
     (J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)

Mortimer Snerd’s been talking you into buying a whole lot of meth
ingredients lately.
     (Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA)

You hear strange noises, open his trunk, and catch him with an
inflated surgical glove.
     (Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)

Runners Up list name
     (Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)