September 15th, 2006
NOTE FROM CARL:
Mark yer calendars, mateys! Next Tuesday
(September 19th) be International Talk Like
A Pirate Day. Yarrr! Do yer part to stop
global warmin’ and talk like a pirate!
(September 19th) be International Talk Like
A Pirate Day. Yarrr! Do yer part to stop
global warmin’ and talk like a pirate!
The Top 6 Signs Your Neighbor
Is in the Extra-Terrestrial
Witness Protection Program
Is in the Extra-Terrestrial
Witness Protection Program
6> He spends summer grilling in the backyard like everybody else, but his steaks still have a bit of Girl Scout uniform on them.
5> His swimming pool is full of thumbtacks.
4> Every 277 Earth days he sends you a card wishing you a Happy Xa’anaa’vaa’an.
3> Has a subscription to Them magazine.
2> Well *you* sure as hell didn’t order this misdelivered box of industrial-strength anal probes.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Neighbor Is in the Extra-Terrestrial Witness Protection Program…
1> Every time you see him working in the front yard it’s the same: Sprinkle a little Miracle-Gro on the begonias, sprinkle a little Miracle-Gro up Zorg’s nose….
.
Credits:
Selected from 21 submissions from 6 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 1, 3, 5 (Hat trick! (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 4
J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA — 6
Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA — Topic
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Men in Blecch
Always returns your power tools on time, but doesn’t do such a
good job wiping off the tentacle marks.
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Anything that accidentally winds up in his fenced yard returns days later, dripping with slime. Including the now-amnesiac paperboy.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
At yesterday’s block party you got into a heated political debate with Trundor, and blurted, “Oh, please! What galaxy are you from?” Funny-looking trucks came and moved them in the middle of the night.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Damn! New neighbor’s wife looks like a Miss Universe: 6-24-34-18- 33-47-63-22.
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
The sign on their electric fence says, “Beware of Drog.”
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Anything that accidentally winds up in his fenced yard returns days later, dripping with slime. Including the now-amnesiac paperboy.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
At yesterday’s block party you got into a heated political debate with Trundor, and blurted, “Oh, please! What galaxy are you from?” Funny-looking trucks came and moved them in the middle of the night.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Damn! New neighbor’s wife looks like a Miss Universe: 6-24-34-18- 33-47-63-22.
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
The sign on their electric fence says, “Beware of Drog.”
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
