August 3rd, 2007



NOTE FROM CARL:
To some, it’s a calling. To others, a paycheck…


The Top 7 Signs Your
Clergyman Doesn’t Really Give a Damn


7> He’s gotten in the habit of showing up Sundays in his fishing clothes, turning on a tape of “Veggie Tales”, then walking out with a hearty, “Later, losers!”

6> Before you even start your confession, he suggests five Hail Whatevers and ten Go Screw Yourselfs

5> He baptizes your child by dipping his head in a bowl of tartar sauce left over from last night’s fish fry.

4> He anoints the congregation with his Holy Super Soaker 5000.

3> “You didn’t like today’s music? Well then I got your ‘church organ’ right here, Granny!”

2> Responds to shocked looks at temple by waving his hands over his Wendy’s Big Bacon Classic and saying “OK, abracadabra… Kosher!”

and the Number 1 Sign Your Clergyman Doesn’t Really Give a Damn…

1> This Sunday’s Sermon, “Whatever, Douchebags.”




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Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 1, 4, 5, 6 (Hat trick!/10th #1!)
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 3
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 7, Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Observer of Obtuse Funny