April 6th, 2007
NOTE FROM CARL:
Shock of shocks! Today is yet another
holiday. Well, I’d better get cracking
on dressing up like an ethnic caricature
and drinking myself amorphous…
holiday. Well, I’d better get cracking
on dressing up like an ethnic caricature
and drinking myself amorphous…
The Top 7 Signs People
Just Aren’t Getting a Holiday
Just Aren’t Getting a Holiday
7> Canada Day: Italian men give pretty young ladies a honking big goose.
6> Veterans Day: Dog and cat owners everywhere deliver presents to their pet’s doctor.
5> Valentine’s Day: Seven dead, fifteen wounded at speed-dating gathering. Local archer in custody.
4> Easter: Shopping sprees for traditional anti-zombie charms.
3> Yom Kippur: Gentile office workers “atone” by photocopying various body parts.
2> Cinco de Mayo: This has nothing to do with filling bathroom basins up with Hellman’s.
and the Number 1 Sign People Just Aren’t Getting a Holiday…
1> Christmas: Giving expensive gifts to bastards.
.
Credits:
Selected from 23 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina — 1, 4 (2nd #1!)
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA — 2, 3, 7 (Hat trick!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 5
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA — 6
Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — Topic
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Stinko de Mayo
Arbor Day: Plant a tree in your local park, preferably the one
previously obstructing your view of the hot, vampy,
does-her-housework-in-the-buff neighbor.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
D-Day: Shallow people feel an appropriate gift is a boob job.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA)
Groundhog Day: IHOP serves all the sausage you can eat!
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Guy Fawkes’ Day: Londoners celebrate by farting in Parliament’s general direction.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Labor Day: Show up at the office promptly at midnight and work through until 12 AM the next day. That, or have a baby. It’s your call.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Passover: Corporate executives nationwide award all available promotions to the least qualified candidates.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
D-Day: Shallow people feel an appropriate gift is a boob job.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA)
Groundhog Day: IHOP serves all the sausage you can eat!
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Guy Fawkes’ Day: Londoners celebrate by farting in Parliament’s general direction.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Labor Day: Show up at the office promptly at midnight and work through until 12 AM the next day. That, or have a baby. It’s your call.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Passover: Corporate executives nationwide award all available promotions to the least qualified candidates.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
