May 18th, 2007
NOTE FROM CARL:
Hail, Reader!
The Top 7 Signs a Restaurant
Worker Is a Reincarnated Roman Emperor
Worker Is a Reincarnated Roman Emperor
7> Maybe your tastes are too pedestrian, but you really do prefer your dinner served on a plate, not impaled on the head of a spear.
6> His recommendation? Pheasant tongues and hummingbird livers.
5> He’s obviously never held down a job before.
4> The food is great, the service is fine; but his leather-strip mini-skirt-and-body-armor attire is both unfortunate and disquieting.
3> He’s organized a fight to the death between the swing-shift fry cooks.
2> He mariachis whilst your enchilada platter burns.
and the Number 1 Sign a Restaurant Worker Is a Reincarnated Roman Emperor…
1> “Friends, patrons, customers, lend me your ears: Throckmorton, party of four, your table is ready.”
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Credits:
Selected from 22 submissions from 6 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 1 (7th #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2, 3
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 4, 7
Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO — 5, 6
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse
Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Beware the Sides of Marge
After he brings you the fruit cup, he demands that you feed him
all the grapes.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
All meat he serves is carved to approximate a bust of his head.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
He refers to the rest room as the vomitorium.
(Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)
Her uniform? Toga. The restaurant? McDonald’s.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
If he finds out you’re a Christian, he lets the lions out of the kitchen.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
No matter what you order, he serves it as a flambe and remains to serenade you with bad violin solos as you try to choke it down.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
You ask if your steak can be warmed, and he obliges by enveloping it in a cascade of your own steaming entrails.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
All meat he serves is carved to approximate a bust of his head.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
He refers to the rest room as the vomitorium.
(Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)
Her uniform? Toga. The restaurant? McDonald’s.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
If he finds out you’re a Christian, he lets the lions out of the kitchen.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
No matter what you order, he serves it as a flambe and remains to serenade you with bad violin solos as you try to choke it down.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
You ask if your steak can be warmed, and he obliges by enveloping it in a cascade of your own steaming entrails.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
