February 1st, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
Woo-hoo! It’s February 2008!
Yes, I know… Februaries tend to
suck entirely, but THIS February has
five Fridays in it! How cool is that?
Yes, I know… Februaries tend to
suck entirely, but THIS February has
five Fridays in it! How cool is that?
The Top 8 Signs a Mugger Is
Suffering a Mid-Life Crisis
Suffering a Mid-Life Crisis
8> Instead of robbing you at gunpoint, he has you transfer your money directly to his plastic surgeon’s account.
7> He starts to seriously question his youthful decision to abandon that Public Administration career.
6> Flashes his Ford Mustang key chain while he’s pointing his gun at you.
5> While mugging you, he brags about his new invention — the combination gun holster/truss.
4> The truth behind his incongruously jet-black beard is betrayed by the bottle of “Just For Thugs” sticking out of his trenchcoat pocket.
3> Just doesn’t get the same old kick out of armed robbery, as evidenced by that drooping pistol.
2> One hand on the gun, one hand on his head to keep the wind from messing up his comb-over.
and the Number 1 Sign a Mugger Is Suffering a Mid-Life Crisis …
1> Traded in his handy 40-year-old Smith & Wesson for a brand new Glock.
.
Credits:
Selected from 32 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 1, 6 (2nd #1!)
Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, MD — 2, 5
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 3, 4
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 7, Banner tag
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 8
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Got Robbed
Doesn’t mind if you get a good look at as long as you compliment
his “Hair Club For Men” ‘do.
(Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA)
He starts wearing Skechers, just like all the younger muggers do.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
His get-away car is a ‘78 Camaro
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Just feels the need to hijack Beemers
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Only mugs people coming out of pharmacies, looking for Viagra and cholesterol lowering medication
(Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, MD)
Rejects your watch but takes your toupee.
(Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA)
(Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA)
He starts wearing Skechers, just like all the younger muggers do.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
His get-away car is a ‘78 Camaro
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Just feels the need to hijack Beemers
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Only mugs people coming out of pharmacies, looking for Viagra and cholesterol lowering medication
(Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, MD)
Rejects your watch but takes your toupee.
(Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA)
