December 22nd, 2006



NOTE FROM CARL:
On this final workday before The Big Holiday, with
the office deadlines and the shopping melees and
the loud in-laws and the irritable culture warriors,
SOME ever-perky Polyanna is going to ask you this.
Before thwacking him or her in the smiling face with
a fruitcake left over from the Reagan administration,
please consider these responses:


The Top 6 Responses
to “What’s Eating You?”


6> My German shepherd. Hey, she started it.

5> I dunno… leprosy, necrotizing fascitis, Ebola? I don’t really care anymore since my dork fell off.

4> A grizzly bea– Ow! Dammit, that hurts.

3> You’re probably right — that chick was more of a “what” than a “who.”

2> I’m not sure, but the Purell seems to be working.

and the Number 1 Response to “What’s Eating You?”…

1> Very funny. Now where’s the antidote for the flesh-eating bacteria?




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Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:



RUNNERS UP list — Tastes Like Chickens

I’m still pissed about the election. I mean, Tilden practically had the thing *stolen* from him back in 1876!
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

My pet zombie. (Just a few bites, when he’s extra-good.)
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

Nothing, but you’re welcome to bite me.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)

The fact that ever since I had a #1 on this list by referencing Rosie O’Donnell naked, I have not been able to get that visual out of my head.
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)