January 26th, 2007
The Top 7 Reasons Yetis Are
Never Selected for Jury Duty
Never Selected for Jury Duty
7> Can’t be spared the time off the lot shooting the latest “Scooby Doo” mystery.
6> It’s hard to be viewed as impartial with the prosecuting attorney’s foot-stump sticking out of your mouth.
5> Damned Sherpa mail carriers are too chickensh!t to deliver the summonses.
4> There’s only so much abominability that can fit into one courtroom, and the attorneys have maxed that out.
3> Never willing to view footprint analysis as conclusive evidence.
2> They all always claim to be exempt on account of being full-time students. Yetis lie, man. Lying #*&@% yetis.
and the Number 1 Reason Yetis Are Never Selected for Jury Duty…
1> (sigh) “We’re still deadlocked at 11 votes for ‘Not Guilty’ and one bone-chilling, bloodcurdling howl.”
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Credits:
Selected from 24 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1 (4th #1!)
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 1, 2, 4, 5, Topic (Hat trick!/5th #1!)
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA — 3
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 4
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 6, 7
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — Banner tag, RU List Name
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Justice for all
Because then we’d have to call gnomes, leprechauns, bogeymen and
trolls, too – and nobody wants that.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
It creates issues with witness credibility.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Only thing worse than a hung jury is a mauled & half-eaten jury.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Since they’re societal outcasts, they always get out of it with the “only caretaker available for an elderly parent” excuse anyway.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
They refuse to do anything in camera.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
They’re notorious for sneaking out during opening arguments and surreptitiously turning down the courtroom thermostat 60 or 70 degrees.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
It creates issues with witness credibility.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Only thing worse than a hung jury is a mauled & half-eaten jury.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Since they’re societal outcasts, they always get out of it with the “only caretaker available for an elderly parent” excuse anyway.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
They refuse to do anything in camera.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
They’re notorious for sneaking out during opening arguments and surreptitiously turning down the courtroom thermostat 60 or 70 degrees.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
