August 18th, 2006
NOTE FROM CARL:
Every funeral there’s one. You’ve seen
him or her and wondered why. BRRRING!
Top5 WTF at your service!
him or her and wondered why. BRRRING!
Top5 WTF at your service!
The Top 8 Reasons to Wear
Bright Red Lipstick at a Funeral
Bright Red Lipstick at a Funeral
8> I didn’t intend to — it’s just what happened to come off the corpse’s lips when I kissed him.
7> The bereaved badly need distraction from their grief, and nothing distracts like kinky, public, meaningless top-of-the-coffin sex.
6> If his widow doesn’t think he looks “natural” in the casket, you can lay a few on him to ratchet up the realism.
5> It’s a polite way to distract the other mourners from the fact that you’re not wearing pants.
4> Because your dearly departed uncle would want it that way, that pervert.
3> Remember all the times Great-Aunt Myrtle kissed your cheek and left lip prints? It’s payback time!
2> Having poor detail vision, zombies like people having facial features highlighted as much as possible.
and the Number 1 Reason to Wear Bright Red Lipstick at a Funeral…
1> Because your wife used up all the Dusty Rose.
.
Credits:
Selected from 39 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Chuck Salerno, Schaumberg, IL — 1 (Woo-hoo!/1st #1!)
Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina — 2, 7
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA — 3
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 4, 5
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 8
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Glossed Over
Best place to find another rich old geezer? At your rich old
geezer’s own funeral.
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Damned colorblind makeup artists!
(Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA)
Ever since I saw “Sixth Sense,” if I’m gonna see dead people, I wear bright red lipstick.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
It matches the orange wig and the squirting lapel flower.
(Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY)
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
So no one will have any doubt it was *you* who was the last to make out with Uncle Ned before he went under.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
You love the way it brings out the white in your clerical collar.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Your lips will be available if they need to touch up the corpse a bit.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Damned colorblind makeup artists!
(Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA)
Ever since I saw “Sixth Sense,” if I’m gonna see dead people, I wear bright red lipstick.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
It matches the orange wig and the squirting lapel flower.
(Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY)
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
So no one will have any doubt it was *you* who was the last to make out with Uncle Ned before he went under.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
You love the way it brings out the white in your clerical collar.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Your lips will be available if they need to touch up the corpse a bit.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
