August 15th, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
Oh… SHE knows why!
The Top 7 Reasons Lydia
Is *NOT* Talking to Shellie
Is *NOT* Talking to Shellie
7> Because after her tongue-ectomy Lydia doesn’t talk to ANYBODY!
6> It’s just too awkward, what with Shellie being the successful career woman that she is, and Lydia being a moose.
5> Shellie probably thinks that Lydia has forgotten about her dancing with Bobby at the Windcrest Middle School Winter Canteen in 1978, but Lydia remembers. Oh, yes, she remembers.
4> “Smelly Shellie” was meant in good fun but “Lydia Chlamydia” crossed the line!
3> The language barrier. Lydia only speaks English, and that slutty slut Shellie the Slut only speaks I’m-a-total-slut. Slut.
2> Actually, no one here is speaking to Shellie. In fact, the only person who is seems to be that guy outside with the S.W.A.T. jacket and the bullhorn.
and the Number 1 Reason Lydia Is *NOT* Talking to Shellie…
1> Three words: exploding gag tampon
.
Credits:
Selected from 27 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 1 (14th #1!)
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 2, 3, 5, 6 (Hat trick!)
Doug Finney, Houston, TX — 4, 7
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 7
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Silent Treatments
After Shellie got Lydia deported to Gitmo? I don’t think so.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Because Shellie has one more tatoo than Lydia, thus taking away Lydia’s title.
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Bitch slept with hottie industrial arts instructor Mr. Trimble first!
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Lydia always reveled in being Shellie’s twin. And then Shellie had to go and ruin it by getting the nose and boob job special.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
You don’t go using another sister’s Chap-Stik without askin’, no matter how bad it itches down there.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Because Shellie has one more tatoo than Lydia, thus taking away Lydia’s title.
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Bitch slept with hottie industrial arts instructor Mr. Trimble first!
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Lydia always reveled in being Shellie’s twin. And then Shellie had to go and ruin it by getting the nose and boob job special.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
You don’t go using another sister’s Chap-Stik without askin’, no matter how bad it itches down there.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
