September 5th, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
Welcome to Showdown September! Throughout
September 2008, Top5WTF will pick two
unrelated things, arbitrarily pick one of
them and tell you why it is better than
the other. This week: Cats vs. Babies
September 2008, Top5WTF will pick two
unrelated things, arbitrarily pick one of
them and tell you why it is better than
the other. This week: Cats vs. Babies
The Top 9 Reasons Cats
Are Better Than Babies
Are Better Than Babies
9> Cats are much better at staring contests.
8> If you call the fireman to come get your baby out of the tree, you get jailed for child abuse.
7> Ever see a baby try to lick its ass? Successfully?
6> With a cat you only have to throw some Friskies into a bowl and stick it on the floor, but with a baby, Mom has to drop whatever she’s doing, sit down, undo her… OK, scratch that one.
5> Not only don’t babies always land on their feet, testing the theory results in a call to Social Services.
4> No diapers to get caught in the Cuisinart blades.
3> Cats run away when the dog licks their ass.
2> If a cat leaves a dead, disemboweled mouse on your kitchen floor, you don’t have to go running for a priest.
and the Number 1 Reason Cats Are Better Than Babies…
1> When cats cough up something, it’s usually a furball that can be used for knitting sweaters. What babies cough up is *entirely* useless.
.
Credits:
Selected from 38 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA — 1, 3 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2, 5, 7 (Hat trick!)
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 4
Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN — 5
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 5
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 6
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 6, 9
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 8
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Origin of Feces
Babies suck at stealing your breath.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Because litter boxes smell better than diap– Uh, never mind.
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Cats ask you to stop after the 15th reading of “Goodnight, Moon.”
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Damn needy babies always demanding nipples on their milk saucer.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
It takes a whole lot more training to teach your baby to rid the garage of mice.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Spay her early and there won’t be *any* wedding costs.
(G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa)
“The Stray Baby Strut” just doesn’t sound the same.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
You coat yourself with peanut butter, a cat will lick it off. A baby will, too, but then the cops will show up at your door, warrant in hand.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Because litter boxes smell better than diap– Uh, never mind.
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Cats ask you to stop after the 15th reading of “Goodnight, Moon.”
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Damn needy babies always demanding nipples on their milk saucer.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
It takes a whole lot more training to teach your baby to rid the garage of mice.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Spay her early and there won’t be *any* wedding costs.
(G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa)
“The Stray Baby Strut” just doesn’t sound the same.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
You coat yourself with peanut butter, a cat will lick it off. A baby will, too, but then the cops will show up at your door, warrant in hand.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
