June 30th, 2006



NOTE FROM CARL:
This week, Top5 WTF takes on one of
the more challenging quandaries in the
scientific world today: Intelligent
Design theory. More specifically…


The Top 8 Reasons an Intelligent
Designer Would Install Hairs
in the Human Buttal Region


8> We fall so often on our own asses, She thought to give us some cushioning.

7> Needing more time to work on the dolphin, ID had to work fast. ID took an ape, got it drunk enough to pass out and started shaving it. Before ID could shave its butt or write WEENIE! on its head with permanent marker, the “human” came to.

6> It helped keep the Intelligent Designer’s creation swept clean until the Designer had a change of mind and conferred the affliction known as The Scoots on dogs instead.

5> Foreplanning. The 2007 worldwide epidemic of ass lice can’t just “evolve” on its own, can it?

4> ID knew humans would eventually run out of other body parts to dye, style, pierce or surgically enhance.

3> “Boss, did you say ‘BARE-assed naked’ or ‘BEAR-assed naked’? Umm… oops.”

2> The Intelligent Designer wanted to see how truly desperate those transplant geeks at ‘The Hair Club for Men’ could get.

and the Number 1 Reason an Intelligent Designer Would Install Hairs in The Human Buttal Region…

1> It was a late Saturday night. There might have been beers involved. Give the guy a break.




.

Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina — 1, 5, 8 (Hat trick!/Woo-hoo! 1st #1)
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 2, 3
Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI — 4, 7
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 6
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — Banner tag
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — RU List Name
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)



RUNNERS UP list — I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butt-Hair

And on the eighth day, the Lord said “Sure, what the hell.”
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)

Gives us pervs something *else* of Angelina Jolie’s to fantasize about caressing.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

If you’re gonna be sliding down slides naked, you’ve gotta have SOME kind of friction-inhibitor!
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

It’s a protective winter coat for anyone who wears assless jeans.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

To confound the unbelievers!
(Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina)

To help keep your butt warm when using a steel toilet in prison.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Turns out we’re created in the image of Louie, the God of Ass-Crack Comb-Overs.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)