June 27th, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
Not too long ago, I was e-mailing a friend saying that
with Mitt Romney’s Presidential bid and that huge family
in Texas making big news, 2008 was shaping up to be the
Year of the Mormon… but I forgot to type the second “m.”
Said friend replied “Which one WASN’T the Year of the Moron?”
Of course, that got me to thinking…
with Mitt Romney’s Presidential bid and that huge family
in Texas making big news, 2008 was shaping up to be the
Year of the Mormon… but I forgot to type the second “m.”
Said friend replied “Which one WASN’T the Year of the Moron?”
Of course, that got me to thinking…
The Top 8 Passages
in the Book of Moron
in the Book of Moron
8> “And God made the animals of the earth and the fishes of the sea so that man might stuff them and mount them on the wall, as a symbol of his manliness.”
7> “And surely if his brain were placed upon the head of a pin, it would roll around like a BB on a six-lane wagon path.”
6> “And there was Bud Light.”
5> “And the Lord sayeth unto Adam, ‘I shall make Woman, and she shall have great hooters so that you may be smitten with her.’”
4> “Then Bart heard the voice of the Lord; and he was pretty sure it was God, because there were a bunch of words he didn’t understand.”
3> “And Jeb went into his tent and begat Arlo. Jeb begat a whole passel of kids, and liveth in a tent as he had loseth his job from drinking and begatting too much.”
2> “And she found herself in a place flowing with milk and honey, for she kept bumping into the shelves, and knocking the bottles off.”
and the Number 1 Passage in the Book of Moron …
1> “And the neighbor Clem sayeth unto Joseph, ‘Virgin, my ass. Way to go, Buddy!’”
.
Credits:
Selected from 25 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 1 (3rd #1!)
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 2, 3, 4 (Hat trick!), Banner tag
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 5, 8
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S Africa — 6
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Verily Sayeth He Diss Unto Thee
“And Eve did ask, but Adam knew not, because he didn’t have
himself none o’ that fruit-learnin’.”
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
“And Jedediah and Agatha begat Jobob, yea but that they were first cousins; and Jobob begat a great nation, which the Lord leadeth unto the land of Appalachia.”
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
“‘I promise compassionate catechism,’ decreed the Chosen One. ‘I’m a redeemer, not a re-damner!’”
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
“Thou shalt put thy left hand in. Thou shalt put thy left hand out. Thou shalt put thy left hand in and shake it about. Thou shalt do the sacred dance and turn thyself around, for lo, thus it is all about.”
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“Thus is the Lord to thy people no longer as a shepherd unto his flock, for it is the will of the Lord not to insult the intelligence of sheep.”
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“When thy burnt offering is beyond thy grasp, get it not out with a fork lest thee also be toasted anon.”
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
“And Jedediah and Agatha begat Jobob, yea but that they were first cousins; and Jobob begat a great nation, which the Lord leadeth unto the land of Appalachia.”
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
“‘I promise compassionate catechism,’ decreed the Chosen One. ‘I’m a redeemer, not a re-damner!’”
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
“Thou shalt put thy left hand in. Thou shalt put thy left hand out. Thou shalt put thy left hand in and shake it about. Thou shalt do the sacred dance and turn thyself around, for lo, thus it is all about.”
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“Thus is the Lord to thy people no longer as a shepherd unto his flock, for it is the will of the Lord not to insult the intelligence of sheep.”
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“When thy burnt offering is beyond thy grasp, get it not out with a fork lest thee also be toasted anon.”
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
