March 14th, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
Yet another installment of our occasional
helpful-hints series “WTF Cares”
helpful-hints series “WTF Cares”
The Top 9 Other Ways to
Remove Gum From One’s Hair
Remove Gum From One’s Hair
9> Set a swim course near an Exxon tanker. Wait.
8> Use paint thinner. If the gum doesn’t come out, you’ll be so stoned you won’t care!
7> Ten minutes in a 600W microwave will shorten those long organic chains. It’s then a simple matter of crushing the gum residue between two bricks.
6> Insert a large copper rod then wait for lightning to do its magic.
5> Paint the victim’s skin green, dunk the head in liquid nitrogen then crack the gum by squeezing anything pink between your fingers. Remember, safety first: Wear a white lab coat.
4> (A) Mix 50% gasoline and 50% bleach in a large bowl. (B) Throw mixture at the jerk who put the gum in your hair.
3> Start a fight with a chick. There’s always a lot of hair-pulling in catfights.
2> Don’t remove it. Add more gum till you have a gum helmet. Then maybe those infernal voices will stop!
and the Number 1 Other Way to Remove Gum From One’s Hair …
1> Stop trimming your back hairs. Female yetis groom their partners. You may even get lucky…
.
Credits:
Selected from 26 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 1, 5, 6, 7 (Hat trick plus one! 5th #1!)
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 2, 8
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 3, 9
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 4
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Hubba Bugger
A 15″ chain saw works wonders, especially on crunchy.
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)
Firmly apply duct tape to head, then yank tape back. Presto! You no longer have hair with gum in it.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Napalm is known to reduce adhesive properties by 82%.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Since you can’t use them as birth control devices any more, try the Today Sponge! All that spermicidal cream is like acid to peanut butter.
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)
Stop flossing your head. Eventually it’ll get gum disease and fall right out.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Use the Flowbee. Kill two evil products with one stone.
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)
Wait a week or so without washing your hair. Eventually your hair will be greasy enough to just slide the gum out. Or, if you’re French, just slide the gum out.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)
Firmly apply duct tape to head, then yank tape back. Presto! You no longer have hair with gum in it.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Napalm is known to reduce adhesive properties by 82%.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Since you can’t use them as birth control devices any more, try the Today Sponge! All that spermicidal cream is like acid to peanut butter.
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)
Stop flossing your head. Eventually it’ll get gum disease and fall right out.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Use the Flowbee. Kill two evil products with one stone.
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)
Wait a week or so without washing your hair. Eventually your hair will be greasy enough to just slide the gum out. Or, if you’re French, just slide the gum out.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
