November 3rd, 2006
NOTE FROM CARL:
What? It was this or
that list about the ducks…
that list about the ducks…
The Top 8 Other Reasons You
Woke Up Naked and Duct-Taped
to a Mexican Stop Sign
Woke Up Naked and Duct-Taped
to a Mexican Stop Sign
8> The cops really take jaywalking seriously down here!
7> Whoever thought you’d have to endure such hazing just to join your local quilting group?
6> Because Scotch Brand Magic Tape wouldn’t last 10 minutes in this heat.
5> I’d damn well *better* wake up naked and duct taped to a Mexican stop sign — it’s the first Thursday of the month, and I pay Corey Haim good money!
4> It’s a cure for athlete’s foot. Or a cause. I forget which.
3> Well, Grandma warned you not to interrupt her afternoon “stories.”
2> If you’d read the fine print, you’d have seen this coming, you mattress-tag-tearing bastard.
and the Number 1 Other Reason You Woke Up Naked and Duct-Taped to a Mexican Stop Sign…
1> I *knew* I should have bought “Spanish for Dummies” instead of “Spanish for Complete Assholes”!
.
Credits:
Selected from 31 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2, 3
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 4
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 5
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, 8
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 7
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Como Esta UUasted?
Because there aren’t any Swiss stop signs in Tijuana.
(Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH)
Cheap-ass Mexican organ harvesters never spring for a bathtub full of ice.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
If you’d read the warning label on the 500-proof gin, you’d have seen this was specifically listed as a possible side effect.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
No idea, but you’re glad you’re not the guy across the street attached to the Yield sign.
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
We would never have gotten handcuffs past the Baghdad Airport metal detectors.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
Well, L.A. has quite the party scene, and… wait a minute, weren’t you vacationing in Honolulu?
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
You bet your mother-in-law you could drink her under the table.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
You never, never, never, NEVER wave a wad of money in the face of a Mexican cabbie and say, “I want to get screwed!”
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
(Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH)
Cheap-ass Mexican organ harvesters never spring for a bathtub full of ice.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
If you’d read the warning label on the 500-proof gin, you’d have seen this was specifically listed as a possible side effect.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
No idea, but you’re glad you’re not the guy across the street attached to the Yield sign.
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
We would never have gotten handcuffs past the Baghdad Airport metal detectors.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
Well, L.A. has quite the party scene, and… wait a minute, weren’t you vacationing in Honolulu?
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
You bet your mother-in-law you could drink her under the table.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
You never, never, never, NEVER wave a wad of money in the face of a Mexican cabbie and say, “I want to get screwed!”
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
