June 1st, 2007
NOTE FROM CARL:
Pondering the depths and nuances of this
conundrum has undoubtedly cost many of you
a sleepless night. We’re here to put such
mysteries - thus you, as well — to rest.
conundrum has undoubtedly cost many of you
a sleepless night. We’re here to put such
mysteries - thus you, as well — to rest.
The Top 8 Other Reasons
Vampires Don’t Like Country Music
Vampires Don’t Like Country Music
8> Competition - It bites worse than they do. Sucks more, too.
7> Too many songs about stakes through the heart and crying ’til the sun comes up.
6> Steel guitars mess with their sonar when in bat-mode.
5> One taste of Willie Nelson and you’re stoned for days.
4> Banjos make surprisingly good bat-swatters.
3> Ever try to bite the neck of somebody wearing a cowboy hat?
2> Hearing some drunk office worker mangle “Achy Breaky Heart” is almost worse than having a stake driven through it.
and the Number 1 Other Reason Vampires Don’t Like Country Music…
1> Name one goth yokel. OK, besides Johnny Cash.
.
Credits:
Selected from 31 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1, 3, 7 (Hat trick!/7th #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 4, 8
Chuck Salerno, Schaumberg, IL — 5
Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 6
Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO — 8
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 8
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Observer of Obtuse
Funny (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Phantom of the Opry
“My Blood Turned Beer After You Left Me.” You do the math.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Country music is so “weepy” — and we all know what a drag it is to drink endorphin-poor blood.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Dancin’ the Cotton-Eyed Joe is another thing that causes them to burst into flame.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
It reminds them of the big silver buckles that cowboys and cowgirls wear for protection.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Same reason as for mummies and wolfmen: too predictable.
(Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)
Still tipsy from that time they bit George Jones.
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)
Thick, Romanian accents never seem to win over the Texas karaoke bar crowds.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Too much Garth, not enough goth.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Country music is so “weepy” — and we all know what a drag it is to drink endorphin-poor blood.
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Dancin’ the Cotton-Eyed Joe is another thing that causes them to burst into flame.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
It reminds them of the big silver buckles that cowboys and cowgirls wear for protection.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Same reason as for mummies and wolfmen: too predictable.
(Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)
Still tipsy from that time they bit George Jones.
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)
Thick, Romanian accents never seem to win over the Texas karaoke bar crowds.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Too much Garth, not enough goth.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
