November 17th, 2006
NOTE FROM CARL:
Remember a couple of weeks ago? I said
it was that or the list about the ducks?
Yeah… well, you asked for it!
it was that or the list about the ducks?
Yeah… well, you asked for it!
The Top 7 Items on
That List About the Ducks
That List About the Ducks
7> A duck’s quack does not echo. Scientists have no idea why we should care.
6> Ducks, docks, dicks, decks — why aren’t there any *dacks*? What is the government hiding from us?
5> Whenever I hear my wife’s orgasm sound, I feel compelled to buy that insurance.
4> “GAAAAAAHHH! Oh my GOD, Uncle Donald, put on some PANTS!”
3> As my date and the waiter sweatily writhed in the rind-filled Jell-O pit, I realized she hadn’t ordered *duck* a l’orange after all!
2> Only one species of fowl has the remarkable ability to fly hundreds of miles in spectacular V formation to the precise location of seasonal nesting grounds, yet cannot give a rabbit accurate directions to Pismo Beach.
and the Number 1 Item on That List About the Ducks…
1> As my chastened young son and I left the principal’s office, we both learned something that day: Other families don’t play “duck-duck-goose” the way we do.
.
Credits:
Selected from 28 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 1, 3 (6th #1!)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 4
J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA — 5
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 6
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA — 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Not All They’re Quacked Up to Be
Dude, you tried to satisfy her duck fetish with a decoy. You
really can’t complain about being “them” being fake.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“OK, men — let’s try it yet again, from the top. When I yell, ‘INCOMING!’ you do what??”
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Rubber duckies make bathtime lots of fun… if you don’t have a hand-held shower massager.
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
“Sure, I’ll repeat that! It’s: ‘Plenty plucky pluckers tucking upholstery with fluffy duck pluck,’ Happy now?”
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
The original “Village People” were actually the “Village Ducks.” No, really!! It’s true! Donald was the sailor, of course, and Daffy was the black cop. They split up when the construction worker went solo and recorded “Disco Duck.”
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Because if Donald ever came near Daisy again. Bo and Luke would fill him full of buckshot and serve him for dinner.
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Runners Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
“OK, men — let’s try it yet again, from the top. When I yell, ‘INCOMING!’ you do what??”
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Rubber duckies make bathtime lots of fun… if you don’t have a hand-held shower massager.
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
“Sure, I’ll repeat that! It’s: ‘Plenty plucky pluckers tucking upholstery with fluffy duck pluck,’ Happy now?”
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
The original “Village People” were actually the “Village Ducks.” No, really!! It’s true! Donald was the sailor, of course, and Daffy was the black cop. They split up when the construction worker went solo and recorded “Disco Duck.”
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
Because if Donald ever came near Daisy again. Bo and Luke would fill him full of buckshot and serve him for dinner.
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Runners Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
