May 30th, 2008



NOTE FROM CARL:
Now! Just in time for Summer*! Items so
funny you don’t even NEED a topic…
especially at these low, low prices!
*(Summer offer applicable in Northern
Hemisphere only. See globe for details.)


The Top 9 Items in the Top5 WTF
Summer 2008 Clearance Sale


9> Double Reverse Mortgages 4

8> Roomba: I can get under their bed and listen, can you?

7> “Honey, would you mind running down to the grocery store and taking about two hours to pick up a quart of milk?”

6> Though it’s cultural mythos, not fact That divergent personas attract You might, with this number, Your seed disencumber She’s comely, compliant, and stacked.

5> My 4-H project henhouse has Tiger tracks, 47 dead hens and “Chickens taste GRRRRREAT!” spraypainted on the wall.

4> Naughty Schoolgirl Means I Have to Take Off of @*%$$^*$ Work Again!

3> The hooker-jumping-out-of-the-cake was a real bust at the NAMBLA party.

2> As I repose upon the throne
I hope to heck I am alone
There’s noxious stuff that from me issues
And I can find no toilet tissues
Now as I hop from stall to stall
I can’t believe there’s none at all
For the rest of the day I’m sure to smell
That janitor can go to He**


and the Number 1 Item in the Top5 WTF Summer 2008 Clearance Sale…

1> Swiffer *this*, beeyotch.




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Credits:

Selected from 79 submissions from 16 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 1, 3 (3rd #1!)
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 2, 5
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 4, Banner tag
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, 7
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 8
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 9
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
Sally Marshall, Akron, OH — Special Guest Assistant
Moderator