August 8th, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
Either everything sucked before sliced
bread, or sliced bread is hella loads
better that we think, but us
whippersnappers take everything for
granted these days, what with our hula
hoops and transistor radios and such.
bread, or sliced bread is hella loads
better that we think, but us
whippersnappers take everything for
granted these days, what with our hula
hoops and transistor radios and such.
The Top 8 Greatest
Things Before Sliced Bread
Things Before Sliced Bread
8> Roasted dodo franchises.
7> Shitless dogs.
6> A Wonder-full new Cure for that ancient Scourge that Destroys otherwise Hale and able Men, Saving them from slavery to the Demon Rum and Restoring fully their Vigor and Faculties: Heroin!
5> Two breasts becoming the dominant trait.
4> Warren G. Harding’s lecherously twisted “adults-only” Easter egg hunts.
3> Wadded bread.
2> Flapper girl porn. SHOW US SOME KNEE, BABY!
and the Number 1 Greatest Thing Before Sliced Bread …
1> Suspenders. If you ever saw my old man with his pants around his knees, you’d know why.
.
Credits:
Selected from 32 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 1 (6th #1!)
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 2, 3
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 4
Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN — 5
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 5, 8
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 6, Banner tag
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 7
Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, MD — Topic
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Shredded wheat
Dental surgery with free whiskey (except for the agonizing pain
part.)
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
I know they caused AIDS, but I still have to go with monkeys.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
Randomness, entropy, and chaos.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
REAL Coca-Cola, man.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
The Bendy straw. I’m not sure why, I just like saying “Bendy Straw”!
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Those curly jester shoes with bells on the toes.
(Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
Wet Model-T contests.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
I know they caused AIDS, but I still have to go with monkeys.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
Randomness, entropy, and chaos.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
REAL Coca-Cola, man.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
The Bendy straw. I’m not sure why, I just like saying “Bendy Straw”!
(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)
Those curly jester shoes with bells on the toes.
(Doug Finney, Houston, TX)
Wet Model-T contests.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Runners Up list name
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)
