October 27th, 2006
The Top 9 First Drafts of Famous
Shakespeare Passages Originally
Written While He Was Blotto
Shakespeare Passages Originally
Written While He Was Blotto
9> I do bite my thumb, but not at you, sir! I do vomit, but not at you, sir! Crappeth my pants yet do I, but not at you, sir!
8> Double, double, toil and trouble! Homer Simpson, Barney Rubble!
7> To sleep; perchance to dream. Verily, verily, verily, verily, life is but a dream.
6> The lady doth protest too much, methinks, for dropped I have already five shillings on her ale tab, and nary a phone number!
5> To sleep, perchance to dream… by the Queen’s teats, wouldst I e’en settle for mine confounded bed to cease its infernal spinning!
4> By the thumbing of my prick, something’s coming this way quick!
3> A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! Holdest ye up, yon sheep may suffice.
2> Double, double, toil and trouble! Triple, fourple, fipple, flupple!! Ha ha ha ha ha!
and the Number 1 First Draft of a Famous Shakespeare Passage Originally Written While He Was Blotto…
1> If music be the food of love, I’ll take two McTrumpets and a side of flutes.
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Credits:
Selected from 35 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 2, 9, Banner tag
Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI — 3, 5
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA — 4
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 6
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 7, 8, RU List Name
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Crapford-Upon-Avon
A rose by any other name would smell like the dog pee from thy
neighbor’s Yorkie.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Alas, poor Yorick — I blew him, fellatio. Ne’er again, accursed Jaegermeister — ne’er again!
(Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI)
But soft! Methinks I scent the morning breath.
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Fair is foul and foul is fair, as quite clearly inked in thy royal umpire’s handbook.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Get thee to a nunnery, go — anon! A nun, anon! (hee, hee) Anon, a nun. A non-nun? Inane! Verily, I slay me.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Now is the winter of our disco tent made glorious Donna Summer by yon worthy mirror-ball.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Urrrppppp! Wow, I’d bettest that woke ‘em in the cheap seats.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
The play’s the thing… wherein I’ll… mmm… catch yon seller of tasty chicken wings, and sup.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Then up he rose, and donn’d his clothes and vowed to call again anon.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Alas, poor Yorick — I blew him, fellatio. Ne’er again, accursed Jaegermeister — ne’er again!
(Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI)
But soft! Methinks I scent the morning breath.
(Nathan Sherman, Bellevue, WA)
Fair is foul and foul is fair, as quite clearly inked in thy royal umpire’s handbook.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Get thee to a nunnery, go — anon! A nun, anon! (hee, hee) Anon, a nun. A non-nun? Inane! Verily, I slay me.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Now is the winter of our disco tent made glorious Donna Summer by yon worthy mirror-ball.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Urrrppppp! Wow, I’d bettest that woke ‘em in the cheap seats.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
The play’s the thing… wherein I’ll… mmm… catch yon seller of tasty chicken wings, and sup.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Then up he rose, and donn’d his clothes and vowed to call again anon.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
