July 11th, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
You know the old canard “If I had a
nickel for every time [x], I’d be rich”?
Well, there are two sides to that coin…
nickel for every time [x], I’d be rich”?
Well, there are two sides to that coin…
The Top 7 Events Leaving Us Poor Were
We to Get a Nickel Upon Each Occurrence
We to Get a Nickel Upon Each Occurrence
7> Giant Panda orgies.
6> Every time David Blaine did a show without screaming “Everybody look at me!” for weeks in advance.
5> Ban Ki Moon bogarts our Nehi.
4> Mrs. Herbert Schofield Van Rensselaerwyck IV throws down a breakdance on our sun porch.
3> Our stupid cat beat us at chess. Like 20 cents would help us.
2> For once, that damn parakeet solves Fermat’s Last Theorem BEFORE our in-laws go to bed.
and the Number 1 Event Leaving Us Poor Were We to Get a Nickel Upon Each Occurrence…
1> If we had a nickel for every time someone came around and took a nickel from us.
.
Credits:
Selected from 22 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S Africa — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA — 2, 4, 5 (Hat trick!)
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 3
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 6
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 7
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — Topic
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Wooden Nickels
Having some mysterious, anonymous donor offer us money per
occurrence of some event.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
We exercised stock options. Or exercised discretion. Or exercised.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Our lazy-ass neighbor mowed our lawn, as long as he was already mowing his own.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Porn soliloquies.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Rudy Giuliani saying “…but enough about 9/11; let’s talk about something else!”
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
To ensure a good visit to the aquarium, somebody throws a hockey player into the octopus tank.
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
We exercised stock options. Or exercised discretion. Or exercised.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Our lazy-ass neighbor mowed our lawn, as long as he was already mowing his own.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Porn soliloquies.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Rudy Giuliani saying “…but enough about 9/11; let’s talk about something else!”
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
To ensure a good visit to the aquarium, somebody throws a hockey player into the octopus tank.
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
