April 21st, 2006
NOTE FROM CARL:
As a kid watching “The Wizard of Oz,” I thought that
having a flying monkey army would be the coolest thing
ever. But to this day, nobody has tried it — not
even Pat Robertson. There *must* be reasons…
having a flying monkey army would be the coolest thing
ever. But to this day, nobody has tried it — not
even Pat Robertson. There *must* be reasons…
The Top 7 Drawbacks Related to
Flying Monkey Armies Unaddressed
by “The Wizard of Oz”
Flying Monkey Armies Unaddressed
by “The Wizard of Oz”
7> Now that Claritin is an OTC drug, the cost of self-medicating your fur allergy cancels what you saved by not having to pay overtime.
6> Reinforcement logistics complicated by banana peels left by initial wave.
5> They get gassed with pesticide as they’re mistaken for small mosquitos. (Florida only)
4> Mutated monkeys jumping out a window are fine, but the ASPCA complains about a fez attached with Crazy Glue.
3> With uniforms featuring cute little jackets, goofy bellhop hats and no pants, it’s nearly impossible to enforce “don’t ask, don’t tell.”
2> Air shows beset with many in-flight disasters as monkeys attempt to clean ticks from each other’s wings.
and the Number 1 Drawback Related to Flying Monkey Armies Unaddressed by “The Wizard of Oz”…
1> Roadside IEDs don’t need to be hidden — in fact, if they’re bright and shiny, you can take out a whole regiment at once.
.
Credits:
Selected from 23 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1, 3, Banner tag (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 2, 5
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 4
J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA — 6
Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA — 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — The Wizard’s Not In
All it takes is a couple bananas in the ol’ basket, and there’s a
frantic, screeching free-for-all while Dorothy and friends tiptoe
away unscathed.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Completely ineffective in trying to stabilize Iraq.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Hard to find body armor that covers an enlarged red butt.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Too often distracted by the killer couplet they were working on back at the typewriter barracks before being deployed.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Completely ineffective in trying to stabilize Iraq.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Hard to find body armor that covers an enlarged red butt.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Too often distracted by the killer couplet they were working on back at the typewriter barracks before being deployed.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
