December 15th, 2006
NOTE FROM CARL:
Legally, “Zamboni” is the trademarked
brand name of the world’s leading ice
resurfacing machine and shouldn’t be
used as a noun. However, my crippling
laziness prevents me from typing “Zamboni
Brand Ice Resurfacing Machine” 15 or 20 times.
You nice folks at Zamboni wouldn’t sue
a poor cripple, would you?
brand name of the world’s leading ice
resurfacing machine and shouldn’t be
used as a noun. However, my crippling
laziness prevents me from typing “Zamboni
Brand Ice Resurfacing Machine” 15 or 20 times.
You nice folks at Zamboni wouldn’t sue
a poor cripple, would you?
The Top 7 Differences
If We All Drove Zambonis
If We All Drove Zambonis
7> Action movie chase sequences now 400 times longer and contain much more comically frustrated fist wagging.
6> Winter traffic reports of roads turned into “skating rinks” are greeted with unbridled joy.
5> Instead of being famous now, Ralph Nader would just have become some frustrated, raving nut being ignored in some tavern in Winsted, Connecticut.
4> Though travel speeds are only five to nine miles per hour, “road rage” has completely disappeared.
3> Australian farmers finally have a way to erase rabbit plagues.
2> Hydraulically pimped-out versions get in one good bounce before shattering your driveway.
and the Number 1 Difference If We All Drove Zambonis…
1> NASBONI eternally joins the last two tribes of Mullet Nation.
.
Credits:
Selected from 25 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2, 7
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 3
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 4, 5, Banner tag
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 4
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA — 6, Topic
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (GOOF)
RUNNERS UP list — Zamboners
At least farmers’ market shopping crowds have a few minutes to get
out of the way of Great-Grandpa’s runaway ZamBuick.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
California highways? Deserted. Antarctica? A parking lot.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA)
Dad would be a little looser handing out the car keys than he is with the Lexus.
(Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA)
Speeding earns you two in the box. Crying to try to get out of the ticket just gets you a double minor for unsportsmanlike, Priscilla.
(Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI)
The HummerBoni is available for anatomically frustrated ex-frat boys.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
The optional rumble seat allows travel with ONE companion, while creating the perfect excuse for not hauling the whole family around on trips.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Runners Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
California highways? Deserted. Antarctica? A parking lot.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA)
Dad would be a little looser handing out the car keys than he is with the Lexus.
(Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA)
Speeding earns you two in the box. Crying to try to get out of the ticket just gets you a double minor for unsportsmanlike, Priscilla.
(Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI)
The HummerBoni is available for anatomically frustrated ex-frat boys.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
The optional rumble seat allows travel with ONE companion, while creating the perfect excuse for not hauling the whole family around on trips.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Runners Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
