January 19th, 2007
NOTE FROM CARL:
Welcome back, Obtuse Humor Fans! Great to see you
all again! I trust the myriad holidays treated
you well? Good. Glad to hear it, really…
Right, enough chitchat. Time to get our funny on…
all again! I trust the myriad holidays treated
you well? Good. Glad to hear it, really…
Right, enough chitchat. Time to get our funny on…
The Top 8 Answers to the Popular
Question “What’s in YOUR Wallet?”
Question “What’s in YOUR Wallet?”
8> Oh, the usual: driver’s license, credit cards, library card, launch codes…
7> You’re kidding, right? Wallets make my purse look fat.
6> The Olsen Twins, who serendipitously fit perfectly into the slot where I used to hold my unpaid parking tickets.
5> Breast Inspector ID card, expired.
4> The secret compartment of my wallet I fill with an UnderDoug Super Energy Pill!
3> Something that smells frighteningly like cheese.
2> The secrets of the universe … and a couple dollar bills someone drew on to make it look like Washington was smoking a blunt.
and the Number 1 Answer to the Popular Question “What’s in YOUR Wallet?”…
1> Nude pictures of yo mama, beeyotch!
.
Credits:
Selected from 34 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 1, 4, 8 (Hat trick!), Banner tag
(2nd #1!)
Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH — 2
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 3
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 5
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 6, 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — Grand Overseer of Obtuse Funniness (
RUNNERS UP list — Picked Pockets
An English-to-Marauder pocket dictionary, so I can beg for my life
with correct vocabulary and grammar.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Dollar bill with six fours in serial number for liar’s poker.
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)
In event of accident please ring my mummy, Mrs. Barbara Bush… and tell her my underpants were clean.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
Mustard, sadly no longer in its packet.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Nothing in mine, but last I heard there were eight maids a milking in Carl’s.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Phone number of whatever it was I went home with from the bar last weekend.
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue… in other words, the still-wrapped Day-Glo condom I got from my college roommate back in ‘92.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
(Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH)
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Dollar bill with six fours in serial number for liar’s poker.
(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)
In event of accident please ring my mummy, Mrs. Barbara Bush… and tell her my underpants were clean.
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
Mustard, sadly no longer in its packet.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Nothing in mine, but last I heard there were eight maids a milking in Carl’s.
(Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)
Phone number of whatever it was I went home with from the bar last weekend.
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue… in other words, the still-wrapped Day-Glo condom I got from my college roommate back in ‘92.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
(Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH)
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
(Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA)
