September 21st, 2007
NOTE FROM CARL:
Wednesday was International Talk Like A
Pirate Day (don’t tell me ye missed it, ye
mangy bilge-sucking bung rats!) or ITLAPD
as it’s known in The Biz. IT… LAPD…
Arrrrr, that gets me to thinkin’…
Pirate Day (don’t tell me ye missed it, ye
mangy bilge-sucking bung rats!) or ITLAPD
as it’s known in The Biz. IT… LAPD…
Arrrrr, that gets me to thinkin’…
The Top 7 Differences in the Los
Angeles Police Department Were It
Staffed Exclusively by Pirates
Angeles Police Department Were It
Staffed Exclusively by Pirates
7> Sgt. Friday: “We be needin’ naught but the facts, ye wench.”
6> Officers would be temporarily reassigned to desk jobs if they *didn’t* kill somebody.
5> Community service sentences would involve removing barnacles from police cruisers.
4> Prostitution stings undermined when mastman yells “Land Ho’!”
3> Minority suspects wearing bandannas could add impersonating a police officer to the laundry list of grossly trumped-up charges they’d face.
2> Dash-cam replaced by a midget with a telescope perched high aloft the roof.
and the Number 1 Difference in the Los Angeles Police Department
Were It Staffed Exclusively by Pirates…
Were It Staffed Exclusively by Pirates…
1> Total coolness not withstanding, motorcycle cops would end up constantly circling back to retrieve blown-off parrots.
.
Credits:
Selected from 27 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1, 6, 7 (Hat trick!) (9th #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2, 4
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 3
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 5
Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN — Banner tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Me Suckos
“An Encino Long John Silvers patron was stabbed 37 times to death
today by nine off-duty Valley Division officers after he
brandished what was perceived to be a cutlass but proved to be
only a spork.”
(Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)
Embarrassing enough that suspects easily escape peg-legged cops, but the hysterical laughter makes it worse.
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Everyone wants be on the 2-Can unit.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Patrol cars labeled “To Serve and To Keelhaul.”
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
There are entirely too many jokes about the “C. S. Ayes.”
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
You’d think it’d be hard to shoot with an eye patch.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
(Stephen A Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)
Embarrassing enough that suspects easily escape peg-legged cops, but the hysterical laughter makes it worse.
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
Everyone wants be on the 2-Can unit.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Patrol cars labeled “To Serve and To Keelhaul.”
(J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)
There are entirely too many jokes about the “C. S. Ayes.”
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
You’d think it’d be hard to shoot with an eye patch.
(Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN)
