July 3, 2009     

Well Taped Freebies

NOTE FROM THE GOOF:

Here I am, an undisclosed number of
birthdays and Christmaii down life’s
path, and I STILL can’t undo the tape
job Mom shellacs all over my gifts
without power tools. Little help?

The Top 8 Ways to Break Through Mom’s
Over-the-Top Tape Job on Your Birthday Gift

8> Ask it to move into her basement with you. That’s how all
you *other* relationships come unraveled.

7> A hundred well-behaved monkeys with utility knives. One of ‘em
has to get through.

6> Spray Dad’s cologne on the package and let it dissolve.

5> You could try one of these great custom-made, razor-sharp
knives produced by Dragonfire Forge, in beautiful Comer, GA.
(Respectfully submitted by David Bloyer, Proprietor,
Dragonfire Forge, Comer, GA.)

4> Tell your little brother it’s a present for him.

3> Take it through TSA screening at the airport.

2> Get some gasoline, a match, and hope it’s not a kitten.

and the Number 1 Way to Break Through Mom’s Over-the-Top Tape Job on Your Birthday Gift …

1> Stuff it down your sister’s shirt and let her boyfriend open it.

.

Credits:

Selected from 22 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 1, 6 (7th #1!)
Alex Calkins, Richmond, IN — 2, 7, Banner tag
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 3, 4
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 5
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 8
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny