November 28th, 2008
NOTE FROM CARL:
You know those meter-long, hex-folded,
double-sided, 4-point pica type multilingual
inserts that come with your toys and gadgets? We
read them. You may want to know this stuff…
double-sided, 4-point pica type multilingual
inserts that come with your toys and gadgets? We
read them. You may want to know this stuff…
The Top 7 Events Which
Will Void Your Warranty
Will Void Your Warranty
7> Connection to 4160 Volts. Trust me, this’ll void your warranty in a heartbeat. It’ll also void your heartbeat.
6> Rectal insertion.
5> Left-handed use. That’ll void almost ANY warranty.
4> Biting it if it isn’t food, or plumbing with it if it is.
3> Once your boss discovers that you’ve been using the Automatic Defibrilator to zap your frozen burritos because you’re too damned lazy to wait your turn at the microwave, warranty issues will be the least of your worries, chief.
2> Any act of God, such as, for example, the creation of friction, gravity and human carelessness.
and the Number 1 Event Which Will Void Your Warranty …
1> Slathering it with mayonnaise, lassoing a neighbor’s car and riding it down Main Street.
.
Credits:
Selected from 24 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 1 (15th #1!)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 3, Banner tag
Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI — 4
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 5, 6, 7 (Hat trick!)
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny
RUNNERS UP list — Ba-Null
Gumming up the chain mechanism with pulverized human bone.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
I’d imagine anything that involves the phrase “repeated contact with genitalia”.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Naming your boat “Titanic II.”
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
The natural passage of your product through either time or your digestive system.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Whoa, there Cowboy, it’s only safety-rated up to “Naughty Nurse and Dirty Doctor”. Anything trampoline- and/or donkey-related is wayyy off the reservation!
(Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI)
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
I’d imagine anything that involves the phrase “repeated contact with genitalia”.
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Naming your boat “Titanic II.”
(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)
The natural passage of your product through either time or your digestive system.
(Brad Hamer, Austin, TX)
Whoa, there Cowboy, it’s only safety-rated up to “Naughty Nurse and Dirty Doctor”. Anything trampoline- and/or donkey-related is wayyy off the reservation!
(Lars Eisenberg, Menomonie, WI)
