March 5, 2010     

Worse Than Fencing

NOTE FROM THE GOOF:

The bar has been set pretty low for
things better than a sharp stick in the
eye… so it’s time to LIMBO!

The Top 7 Things Which Are Probably
Not Better Than a Sharp Stick in the Eye

7> A dull stick in the eye. Except the stick is made of
PLUTONIUM AND EBOLA!

6> Being forced to listen to the Gilbert Gottfried Tribute Album
as performed by Fran Drescher, Yoko Ono, and Roseanne Barr.

5> Almost anything. Stick in eye = getting to wear an eyepatch
like a real pirate! Do you realize how COOL that would be?

4> The proverbial pineapple enema, with a twist.

3> Remember the time you walked in on Grandpa masturbating? A
sharp stick in BOTH eyes would have been welcomed!

2> A stinging rebuke from Human Resources.

and the Number 1 Thing Which Is Probably Not Better Than a Sharp Stick in the Eye…

1> Getting all that eye glop off your favorite sharp stick.

.

Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 1, 5, 7 (Hat trick!) (26th #1!)
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 2
Chuck Salerno, Fullerton, CA — 3
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 4
David Bloyer, Comer, GA — 6
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — GrandObserver,ObtuseFunny

RUNNERS UP list — Splinters

A grenade up your ass.

(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

A polka in V.I. with Mark Spitz.

(Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX)

A sharp stick in the eye in Philadelphia.

(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)

A sharp stick in the urethra

(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)

Being poked in the eye by a sharp stick OF DEATH!

(David Bloyer, Comer, GA)