August 8th, 2007



MEMO FROM THE PREZ:
Everybody’s free to wear sunscreen. But
sunscreen ain’t free, cowboy. And neither
are these rescues. So feel free to tip your
lifeguards after coughing up the ocean.


The Top 9 Worst Things
About Being a Lifeguard


9> An acute allergic reaction to sunblock.

8> It’s surprisingly noticeable when you stare down a girl’s bikini top.

7> Butt splinters!

6> Sooner or later, gonna have to go rescue that fat guy over there.

5> Jellyfish ass.

4> Slow-motion running doesn’t burn as many calories as you think.

3> All these people have cooties.

2> “Not legal… not legal… not legal… not shaved…”

and the Number 1 Worst Thing About Being a Lifeguard…

1> Jessica Alba can swim. Michael Jackson can’t.




.

Credits:

Selected from 17 submissions from 6 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Mark Sweatt, Marietta, GA — 1, 4, 5 (Hat trick!)
(Employee of the week!)
William Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 1, Topic
John Shurniak, Limerick, SK — 2, 6, 8 (Hat trick!)
Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 3, 6, 9 (Hat trick!)
Ryan Garcia, Austin, TX — 6
Joel Baskin, Redmond, WA — 7
K.W. Wyckham, Youngstown, OH — Banner Tag
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — President & CEO