NOTE FROM THE PREZ:

Ahem. Welcome, shareholders, to Top5 Office Life.
The folks in our Human Resources Department are currently
looking to fill a few Humor Contributor vacancies.
If you’d like to be considered for one of these
highly-underpaid yet spectacularly-undignified jobs,
come up with an office-related topic and a few list
items for it, and send your completed application to:
Top5OfficeLife@topfive.com
Now then… we at Top5 Industries, Inc. Ltd. & Associates
are getting pretty flippin’ sick of the word “synergy.”
It haunts us in our sleep, crowds out meaningful info
on our voicemail, and peppers our crappy annual report.
Let’s do our best to kill it once and for all, hmmm?

The Top 5 Signs Your Company’s
Merger Isn’t Creating Synergies

5> Despite the great 7%, no-point, payable over 30-year offer, the Happy Meal Mortgage at Savings and McLoan just isn’t drawing them in the door.

4> Neither the Playboy Channel nor the Fish Breeders’ Quarterly will accept your advertising.

3> In your off-site team-building exercise, both sides independently stock up on mortar shells and “The Art of War”.

2> The people from Skippy’s have been bumping into the new Hershey’s people all day long, and still… no new product.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Company’s Merger Isn’t Creating
Synergies…

1> The obsolete computer model you sold to some clueless purchasing manager last year? One’s sitting on your desk.

.

Credits:

Selected from 16 submissions from 6 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 1, 4 (Employee Of The Week)
Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA — 2
William Wickart, Hillsboro, OR — 3
Mark Schmidt, Paris, France — 5
Office Life Corporate Files — Topic
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI — President & CEO