NOTE FROM THE PREZ:

Nowadays, seems every business card reads “Associate,”
from MBA consultants to the garden guy at Home Depot.
What the hell does “Associate” mean?
We at TopFive, Inc. give our employees REAL titles.

The Top 7 Job Titles That
Sound More Truthful Than *Associate*

7> Carbon Dioxide Producer

6> Peon - Me

5> Acting Cube Filler

4> Headcount Maintainer

3> Regional Minutia Wrangler

2> Otherwise Unemployed Person Who Remembers Where All The Cables Go

and the Number 1 Job Title That Sounds More Truthful Than
*Associate*…

1> Senior Project Blamee

.

Credits:

Selected from 48 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Mark Schmidt, Paris, France — 1 (Co-Employee Of The Week)
Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA — 1 (Co-Employee Of The Week)
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 2
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 3, 5
Peter Heltzer, Wheeling, IL — 4, 7
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 6
Office Life Corporate Files — Topic, Runner Up list name
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI — President & CEO