November 29, 2004      Share

The Top 9 Reasons Your
Fantasy Football Team Sucks

9> Mr. Roarke and Tattoo may work well together, but that’s not
the only ingredient necessary for a strong backfield.

8> You only draft players from the teams with great winning
traditions. This year: the Raiders, Niners, Cowboys and
Dolphins.

7> The fact that half your picks can’t even spell “groin injury”
certainly didn’t render them immune to the condition.

6> Because your fantasies are exclusively about Catholic
schoolgirls.

5> Shrewdly seeking the super-powers of “The Incredibles,” you
always choose the players with the little “i” next to their
names.

4> With Martha in jail and Rosie O’Donnell on the DL, Oprah has
had to carry the ball way too many times. (Hey — I don’t judge
*your* fantasies.)

3> Every one of your draftees could be beaten up by the
Grammatica brothers.

2> Your efforts to pick up Ben Ruthlessburger were foiled when
the game forced you to spell it correctly.

and the Number 1 Reason Your Fantasy Football Team Sucks…
1> Every week when it says “Bye” next to a player, you obediently
drop him.


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Credits:

Selected from 56 submissions from 15 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1, Commissioner
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 2
Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 3
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 4, 6
Bill Reilly, Golden, CO — 5
David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 7
Jeff Conner San Jose, CA — 8
Scott E. Gluck, Porter Ranch, CA — 8
Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA — 8
Robert Hollister, Goleta, CA — 8
Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 8
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 9
Rik Kyser, Hillsdale, MI — Runner Up list name

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