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December 28, 2010      Share

NOTE FROM LITTLE FIVERS:
The Little Fivers moderators will be away at
our annual staff retreat and taxidermy
workshop from January 3 through January 14,
2011. We’ll be back with fresh lists and
stuffed surprises for you starting January 17.

The Top 9 New Year’s Resolutions in Sports

9> Plaxico Burress: Obtain and use a holster.

8> Pablo Sandoval: Stick to the Jenny Craig this off-season.

7> Vince McMahon: Return wrestling to its innocent age — right
after the nude mud wrestling women’s cage championship match.

6> Tiger Woods: Get a second cell phone.

5> Jim Joyce: Buy Armando Galarraga a tin of cookies or
something.

4> Wilt: Remain stiff.

3> Michael Vick: Resist urge to replace clay pigeons with
Chihuahuas.

2> George Steinbrenner: Randomly fire Yankee managers from beyond
the grave.

and the Number 1 New Year’s Resolution in Sports…
1> Brett Favre: When wooing a Jets hostess with a personal
picture, try a little less hard next time.


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Credits:

Selected from 39 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 1 (28th #1)
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2, 6, 9 (Hat trick!)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 3
Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 4
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, Commissioner
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 7
Glenn Anthony, San Jose, CA — 8

RUNNERS UP list — Less Than Promising

Cliff Lee: Call C. C. Sabathia and ask if he wants to use his tax
cut extension to go halvsies on buying the Cleveland Indians. You
know, for old times’ sake.
     (Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

Danica Patrick: Work some driving practice into the schedule of
photo shoots and commercial shoots.
     (Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

LeBron James: Next visit to Cleveland, hire security guys who
aren’t FROM Cleveland.
     (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Lenny Dykstra: Finally get around to reading that “Financial
Management for Dummies” book.
     (Ray Reigada, New York, NY)

Tiger Woods: Now that Elin’s got the kids and millions, see if you
can make a little back with a mutually beneficial agreement to
help quash Oprah’s gay rumors.
     (Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA)

Yell less at the TV, more at the kids.
     (Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)

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