Previous list: 
December 28, 2010
our annual staff retreat and taxidermy
workshop from January 3 through January 14,
2011. We’ll be back with fresh lists and
stuffed surprises for you starting January 17.
9> Plaxico Burress: Obtain and use a holster.
8> Pablo Sandoval: Stick to the Jenny Craig this off-season.
7> Vince McMahon: Return wrestling to its innocent age — right
after the nude mud wrestling women’s cage championship match.
6> Tiger Woods: Get a second cell phone.
5> Jim Joyce: Buy Armando Galarraga a tin of cookies or
something.
4> Wilt: Remain stiff.
3> Michael Vick: Resist urge to replace clay pigeons with
Chihuahuas.
2> George Steinbrenner: Randomly fire Yankee managers from beyond
the grave.
picture, try a little less hard next time.
Selected from 39 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 1 (28th #1)
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2, 6, 9 (Hat trick!)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 3
Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 4
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, Commissioner
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 7
Glenn Anthony, San Jose, CA — 8
cut extension to go halvsies on buying the Cleveland Indians. You
know, for old times’ sake.
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
Danica Patrick: Work some driving practice into the schedule of
photo shoots and commercial shoots.
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
LeBron James: Next visit to Cleveland, hire security guys who
aren’t FROM Cleveland.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Lenny Dykstra: Finally get around to reading that “Financial
Management for Dummies” book.
(Ray Reigada, New York, NY)
Tiger Woods: Now that Elin’s got the kids and millions, see if you
can make a little back with a mutually beneficial agreement to
help quash Oprah’s gay rumors.
(Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA)
Yell less at the TV, more at the kids.
(Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)