NOTE FROM JOHN:

Media rumors have Patrick Stewart suggesting that the
next “Star Trek” movie include the death of his character,
Starfleet Captain Jean-Luc Picard (better known as “the
captain who nailed fewer alien chicks than Kirk”).
Since a lot of Trekkers thought that Kirk’s death was an
insult to his memory — more so than those Priceline.com ads
– the Top 5 SciFi crew has come up with some suggestions on
how to ease Ol’ Chrome-Dome into the land of Shakespearean
repertory and convention tell-all book signings…

The Top 5 Ways to
Kill Off Captain Picard

5> Tied…to…a…chair…and…forced…to…watch… Kirk’s…death…scene…over…and…over…again…

4> Data misunderstands a command to “detach the saucer section,” lops off the top third of Picard’s skull.

3> After a few tipples in Ten Forward, a now sentimentally pickled Picard decides his pet lionfish wants a hug.

2> A malfunctioning emotion chip sends Data’s personal journey of discovery passionately in Picard’s direction, leading to a moment of brief, tragic Liebestode.

and the Number 1 Way to Kill Off Captain Picard…

1> With 5 minutes left, Picard’s escape from a dying planet runs into trouble as his transporter signal begins to loose phase coherence while passing through a positron burst caused by a collapsing type IV star in a temporally unstable section of the alpha– hell, just have somebody shoot the bastard.

.

Credits:

Selected from 48 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Joseph Moore, Concord, CA — 1, 2, 4 (First #1! Hat trick!)
Guy Payne, Birmingham, AL — 3
Greg Preece, Toronto, ON — 5
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — Banner tag
Charles d’Olive, Waterloo, IA — Topic
John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI — Prime Director