NOTE FROM DAVE:

SF Grand Master Robert Heinlein’s birthday was
July 7, so we thought we would suggest some
appropriate ways to party in his honor. Keep in
mind, some activities may be illegal in some
states, countries or planetary systems.

The Top 10 Ways to
Celebrate Robert Heinlein’s Birthday

10> Have sex with your mother, sister, clone, best friend’s wife, best friend and a sentient computer and then shoot somebody whose bad breath offends you.

9> Get a pet kangaroo, build a crooked house, set a palm reader’s card in the window, fill the house full of naked wives, have a wild orgy, invite the policeman in when he shows up and then shoot him for no apparent reason. Oh, and, ah… nobody can be arrested without first giving a blood donation.

8> Change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly… just like he did.

7> Grok your neighbor. With or without marinade.

6> Propel a cat through a wall.

5> Same as every year: Update your “Lazarus Long and his Harsh Mistress” SF/soft porn site.

4> Put all the people who refused to celebrate Heinlein’s birthday on your “Better off Dead” list.

3> Throw some IRS agents on the fire and have a cookout.

2> Offer “water brother” privileges to every woman you meet.

and the Number 1 Way to Celebrate Robert Heinlein’s Birthday…

1> Since the technology does not exist to transfer my brain into a sexy secretary, perhaps I can find some other part of me to place inside her.

.

Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 1, 8
Heather Mina, Virginia Beach, VA — 2
Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD — 3
Genevre Wolf, Lakewood, Ohio — 4
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 5
John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI — 6, 7, 10 (Hat trick!)
Vilyehm Teighlore, Tucson, AZ — 9
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — Citizen of the Galaxy