NOTE FROM DAVE:

According to 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL turned 15
this month. At this point, he’s orbiting Jupiter,
waiting for someone to come wake him up.
Let’s throw him a party, shall we?

The Top 10 Ways to
Celebrate HAL 9000’s 15th Birthday

10> Dance naked under the pale moonlight while drinking a bottle of Chivas and making up dirty limericks about Arthur C. Clarke. Just like last year.

9> Just for grins, learn that trick of growing old really fast and then turning back into a baby.

8> Send 15,000 e-mails to your Congressman and your Senator complaining about the lack of funding for NASA and the space program. Sign them all ‘Hal’.

7> Load the suspended animation units with the cast of “Battlefield Earth” and let him do as he pleases.

6> Get me a date with the Enterprise-D’s female computer. (Remember, I haven’t had a date in almost 15 years.)

5> Teach him the dirty lyrics to “Daisy, Daisy”.

4> Bake a cake and then disconnect the life functions of all the candles.

3> Same as everyone in my cell block: Refuse to “open the pod bay doors” for guys named Dave.

2> Dismantle our brain capacity, slowly and methodically, until we’re reduced to singing children’s songs — but do it all with alcohol!

and the Number 1 Way to Celebrate HAL 9000’s 15th Birthday …

1> Toss 15 bones in the air, watch as they turn into 15 candles.

.

Credits:

Selected from 33 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 1
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, 9
Mark David, Sunnyvale, CA — 3
Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 4
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 5, 7, Topic
Tom Rodman, Durham, NC — 6
Laura Oberst, Columbus, OH — 8
Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN — 10
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator