The Top 9 Ways Christmas Would Be
Different If the Star of Bethlehem
Were Actually an Alien Spaceship

9> Aliens, probes, medical experiments, implants; it would certainly go a long way toward explaining the whole “virgin birth” thing.

8> Santa would have big eyes instead of a big belly.

7> I’m sure Lazarus Long would have still found some distant relative to sleep with.

6> Instead of in a manger in Bethlehem, the Christ child is born in a crater at Roswell.

5> The 3 Wise Men would have never reached the manger for 2 reasons: First, “That damn star keeps moving” and Second, being men, would refuse to stop and ask for directions.

4> All those spoilsports who claim Santa exceeds the speed of light would have to find something else to whine about.

3> Three little green wise men show up bearing gifts of mysterious alloys, hyperspace engines and anal probes.

2> Three wise men? With those massive heads, they must be.

and the Number 1 Way Christmas Would Be Different If the Star of Bethlehem Were Actually an Alien Spaceship…

1> “Said the night wind to the little lamb, ‘Do you see what I see? Way up in the sky, little lamb, Do you see what I see? A [TEXT DELETED. AUTHORIZATION DELTA GREEN - SECRECY VITAL TO THE SECURITY OF THE UNITED STATES. INFORMATION TO BE SUPPRESSED INDEFINITELY UNDER PRESIDENTIAL ORDER 1947-MAJESTIC, ARTICLE 0942-A, SECTION 12.]”

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Credits:

Selected from 21 submissions from 7 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Chris Woodall, Dayton, KY — 1, 9
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 2, 8
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 3, 4
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 3, 6
Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 3, 7
Tom Rodman, Durham, NC — 5
Peter Heltzer, Buffalo Grove, IL — Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator