NOTE FROM DAVE:

Godzilla turned 50 this week, in case you were wondering.
So we thought we’d provide some helpful tips, in case he
shows up on your doorstep needing behavior modification.

The Top 9 Tips on Training Your
Giant Radioactive Japanese Reptile.

9> Clear an open area prior to teaching it to roll over. Kansas should do.

8> Break him of that supertanker-chasing habit soon, to avoid costly oil spills.

7> Always have a city you don’t like handy. Godzilla always expects a reward for good behavior.

6> Your “Invisible Fence” should be powered by a nuclear power plant.

5> Positive reinforcement works best — toss him a few pounds of tasty U238 whenever he performs a trick.

4> He’s a fool for home-cooked meatloaf. Go figure.

3> Regular pet: Pooper Scooper. Godzilla: remote manipulation arm and a Hazmat suit.

2> Offer him little, tiny twins — no, TRIPLETS! — who will sing to him; he’s insanely jealous of Mothra.

and the Number 1 Tip on Training Your Giant Radioactive Japanese
Reptile….

1> Sure, it’s a cute trick, but he will always resent you for making him balance the moose on the tip of his nose before eating it.

.

Credits:

Selected from 30 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 1, 5, 8, Topic (Hat trick!)
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 2, 4
Genevre Wolf, Lakewood, Ohio — 3, 6, 7 (Hat trick!)
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS — 9
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — Monster Masher