The Top 10 Surprises in the
First Interstellar Message We Receive

10> “People of Earth: We Come in Peace! We seek– *snicker*– we seek only to engage in fellow–*snicker*–fellowship with you all and enter into a new age– *guffaw* *chortle*– a new age—hahahahahah! Oh, I can’t…I can’t go on. Really, seriously, we’re just here to eat you.”

9> “Dear Earth, your negligence allowed your “Voyager” craft to crash into my Zilorbian XKC cruiser, causing a dent and severely scratching the paint job. Please remit 2800 AU credits or face invasion by my lawyers.”

8> Once it is translated, we find that Rigelian men are worried about the size of their penis as well.

7> It only stays in the news for a few hours because Britney was seen flashing her hairless cooter again.

6> “This call is not in your local area. Please deposit 2,000,000 credits for an additional 50 trillion light years.”

5> “Please cease all unauthorized transmissions on these frequencies. You are interfering with the current season of Pan-Galactic Idol.”

4> We’re challenged to a duel for supremacy, and must pick our champion: Popeye or the Roadrunner.

3> “For a mere 25% of your planetary output, we will make sure nothing bad ‘happens’ to your planet, capisce?”

2> “If your solar system only had one more planet, we could invite into our confederation.”

and the Number 1 Surprise in the First Interstellar Message We Receive …

1> “Is there anybody out there? We love that Pink Floyd song. Can you tell us the name of it?”

.

Credits:

Selected from 57 submissions from 17 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 1, 2
Tom Rodman, Durham, NC — 3
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 4
Peter Heltzer, Buffalo Grove, IL — 5
Kyros Starr, Everett, WA — 6, 8
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 7
Mark David, Sunnyvale, CA — 9
Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN — 10
Dan Thompson, Austin, TX — Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator