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August 24, 2007
First Interstellar Message We Receive
10> “People of Earth: We Come in Peace! We seek– *snicker*– we
seek only to engage in fellow–*snicker*–fellowship with you
all and enter into a new age– *guffaw* *chortle*– a new
age—hahahahahah! Oh, I can’t…I can’t go on. Really,
seriously, we’re just here to eat you.”
9> “Dear Earth, your negligence allowed your “Voyager” craft to
crash into my Zilorbian XKC cruiser, causing a dent and
severely scratching the paint job. Please remit 2800 AU
credits or face invasion by my lawyers.”
8> Once it is translated, we find that Rigelian men are worried
about the size of their penis as well.
7> It only stays in the news for a few hours because Britney was
seen flashing her hairless cooter again.
6> “This call is not in your local area. Please deposit 2,000,000
credits for an additional 50 trillion light years.”
5> “Please cease all unauthorized transmissions on these
frequencies. You are interfering with the current season of
Pan-Galactic Idol.”
4> We’re challenged to a duel for supremacy, and must pick our
champion: Popeye or the Roadrunner.
3> “For a mere 25% of your planetary output, we will make sure
nothing bad ‘happens’ to your planet, capisce?”
2> “If your solar system only had one more planet, we could invite
into our confederation.”
Can you tell us the name of it?”
Selected from 57 submissions from 17 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 1, 2
Tom Rodman, Durham, NC — 3
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 4
Peter Heltzer, Buffalo Grove, IL — 5
Kyros Starr, Everett, WA — 6, 8
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 7
Mark David, Sunnyvale, CA — 9
Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN — 10
Dan Thompson, Austin, TX — Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator