NOTE FROM DAVE:

As we mentioned last week, the SciFi channel
is looking for contestants for their new
reality show, The Gift.
If some of these sound familiar, don’t bother trying out.

The Top 9 Signs Your Psychic
Powers Aren’t Good Enough for “The Gift”

9> It may crack up your buddies, but it’s questionable whether shooting milk out your nose qualifies as a “power.”

8> Contrary to your personal beliefs, predicting the weather three days after it happened is NOT a psychic gift.

7> Well, first of all, there’s your prediction that Colorado will sink into the Indian Ocean.

6> I can both twist *AND* shout.

5> By some supernatural means, my good character and trustworthiness were discovered by a Nigerian fellow I’ve never met.

4> Your telekinesis only works if assisted by a complex series of pulleys and counterweights.

3> We’re looking for prophets, not profits, Mr. Trump.

2> Being able to change reality without anyone noticing is proving difficult to demonstrate.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Psychic Powers Aren’t Good Enough for The Gift…

1> You can make beer disappear, and presto! In a couple of hours, it reappears!

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Credits:

Selected from 32 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Bruce Kane, Bentonville, AR — 1
Douglas Bishop, Fort Wayne, IN — 2
Guy Payne, Birmingham, AL — 3, 7
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 4, 9
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 5, 6
Laura Oberst, Columbus, OH — 8
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator