November 25, 2007     

The Top 10 Signs It’s Time
to Cancel Your Sci-Fi Series

10> You return from summer break to find that all the writers have
been replaced by monkeys with typewriters.

9> The only actors left who haven’t played the Doctor are Rob
Schneider, Carmen Electra and Dustin “Screech” Diamond.

8> The necklines have fallen lower than the ratings.

7> Your most recent audience poll indicates most viewers would
like to see the main characters get eaten by a Ravenous
Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

6> The blond, cherubic Ageless Starchild from the pilot
episode? His grandkids are now running flame blogs about the
show.

5> The writers no longer write action or dialogue, instead
providing a numbered list of artificial plot techniques and
simply listing this week’s numbers in order, expecting the
actors to fill in the gaps.

4> The first line of this week’s script is, “Knock-knock.”

3> Shark people are about to jump a tank full of humans.

2> After 40-some-odd years and 10 lead actors, Dr. Who is now
being played by Scott Bakula.

and the Number 1 Sign It’s Time to Cancel Your Sci-Fi Series …

1> The producers want to appeal to the youth market and ask you
to add in the Captain’s cousin: Cadet Oliver.

.

Credits:

Selected from 48 submissions from 14 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 1, 7
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 3
Heather Mina, Virginia Beach, VA — 4, 5, 10 (Hat trick!)
Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN — 6
Dan Thompson, Austin, TX — 8
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 9
Chris von Seggern, Cibolo, TX — Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator

RUNNERS UP list — Spaced Out the Aft Airlock

Even your own network no longer airs commercials for its other
lousy series during your show.

(Heather Mina, Virginia Beach, VA)

The green alien women are beginning to show a dull, brown patina.

(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)

The guy running the catering service has a better personal
communication device than the fictional captain of your
starship.

(Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN)

The scariest aliens encountered are only those that don’t speak
English.

(Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)