NOTE FROM GREG:

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” recently aired its last episode.

The Top 9 Signs a Vampire
Slayer Should Think About Retirement

9> Without your bifocals, everybody’s teeth look perfectly *normal*, and you don’t know *who* to slay.

8> You used to endorse Maybelline, but now you endorse Depends.

7> You start wondering if you can get one of those electric scooters to chase vampires around in.

6> You’re *always* spilling your thermos of Metamucil during those fights.

5> Your sexy black leather slaying uniform just isn’t quite right paired with lavender high heels and a cardigan sweater.

4> “I slay Vampires? When the hell did I do that?”

3> Breasts no longer jiggle while impaling creatures of the dark.

2> Your plans just backfired, and now there is a vampire with his fangs caught in the baggy skin on your neck.

and the Number 1 Sign a Vampire Slayer Should Think About
Retirement…

1> No vampire in its right mind is going to be afraid of any slayer wearing a “World’s Best Grandma” t-shirt.

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Credits:

Selected from 35 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — 1, 7
Jenna Clay, Owensboro, KY — 2, 5, RU, HM list names
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 3, 4
Lisa Comeau, Toronto, Canada — 6
Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD — 8
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 9
Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada — Dark Lord of the Sith