Previous list: 
September 21, 2007
story of Bilbo Baggins and his adventures.We
celebrate it in our twisted way, of course.
Opening Lines to “The Hobbit”
10> In a hole in the ground — well, not so much a hole as a cave
– a kind of a cave — no, really, it was like a cross between
a cave and a hole, with a touch of cottage thrown in — one
might even be tempted to call it a burrow, maybe or a warren
– no, hole may be a bit more accurate than first believed –
then again — look, let’s start over, okay?
9> Bill “Bo” Baggins awoke from a three day bender, hanging off
the side of a boat, his head pounding like a Orc was using it
for drum practice, his mouth feeling like all the week-old
foot-cleaning rags in the Shire were stuffed into it, and
winced at the sight of a flashy-looking golden ring in the
water below him.
8> Knock, knock.
“Who’s there?”
“Gandalf.”
“Gandalf who?”
7> In a hole, not wet and nasty like the lead singer of the band
Hole, but in a bare, sandy hole in the ground, like Pamela
Anderson at the beach, lived a hobbit.
6> When Bilbo pulled the ring from the Cracker Jack box, little
did he know the trouble it would cause.
5> As the rainclouds cleared and the funeral guests dispersed,
Bilbo took one last look at the grave of his beloved wife
Dildo before turning to Gandalf and saying, “There’s nothing
left for me here.”
4> It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was
between second-breakfast time, but before luncheon time.
3> Late one night, a perplexed Bilbo Baggins was studying the
cover of a book that had mysteriously appeared on his
doorstep. It had the words “Don’t Panic!” written in large,
friendly letters on the cover, and was entitled “The
Hitchhiker’s Guide to Middle-Earth.”
2> “Fire in the hole!” thundered the now enraged wizard as he
launched a fireball through the round door of the recalcitrant
Hobbit.
opening into the hole where he’d spent so many blissful
evenings enjoying the comfort of its warm interior passageway.
Selected from 45 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 2, 6, Topic
Tracy Lunquist, DeLand, FL — 3
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 4
Heather Mina, Virginia Beach, VA — 5, 8
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 7
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 9, 10
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator
off-key Vulcan who sang about him.”
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
Bilbo gazed on the women’s locker room and wished once again that
he could somehow make himself invisible.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
One ring around the collar. One detergent to save them.
(Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)