June 5, 2009     

NOTE FROM DAVE:

So, you just received that shiny new Acme
time machine you ordered from the back
pages of Asimov’s SciFi magazine. How will you
justify your first mission back in time?

The Top 9 Reasons
for Changing the Past

9> Stop yourself in the hallway before you walk into mom and
dad’s bedroom on June 17, 1973.

8> To take care of that little “puddle” incident in the second
grade.

7> Cater to your Oedipus Complex while avoiding the less
desirable aspects of a MILF encounter.

6> You’re not changing anything at all, just observing. Observing
them set the combination for the vault.

5> Pictures of your 1984 hairstyle have surfaced on Facebook.

4> Need to get to the bank last Friday to make a deposit to cover
the check you floated to pay for the time machine.

3> You’ve got a whole list of pineapple jokes and no Dole
Administration to use them on.

2> Make sure that incident with the goat and the tube of
Brylcreem never happens.

and the Number 1 Reason for Changing the Past…

1> Take Billy Mays on a buddy fishing trip to the late
Pleistocene Era. Leave him there.

.

Credits:

Selected from 48 submissions from 14 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 1, 2
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 3
Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 4, 9
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 5
Dan Thompson, Austin, TX — 6
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 7
Chuck Burke, Phoenix, AZ — 8, Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator