November 2nd, 2007
The Top 10 Odd Time Travel Missions
10> Head back with a genetic surgical team so that the Olsen sisters come out as Siamese twins.
9> Return to 1982 to bludgeon L. Ron Hubbard to death, thereby preventing the publication of “Battlefield Earth”.
8> Go to the Sixties and introduce a still-single Yoko Ono to a still-open-minded frat boy George W. Bush.
7> Strategically place golf club in Hilton’s gonads on the day of Paris’ conception.
6> Plant child-sized bloody glove at scene of Simpson/Goldman murder — mission accomplished.
5> Overexpose film in Paris Hilton’s video camera.
4> Cut the brake lines in Edward Kennedy’s Oldsmobile.
3> Deliver a copy of “Unique Baby Names For Boys” to George Foreman.
2> Find the people who invented the Speedo-style male swim suit. Kill them.
and the Number 1 Odd Time Travel Mission…
1> Travel back to convince the inventor of the spork to instead name it a foon.
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Credits:
Selected from 38 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 1, 3, 10 (Hat trick!)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 2
Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 4
Lisa Comeau, Toronto, ON — 5, 6, 7 (Hat trick!)
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 8
Chris von Seggern, Cibolo, TX — 9
Dan Thompson, Austin, TX — Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator