August 1st, 2008
The Top 9 Most Embarrassing
Reasons the Invasion of Earth Failed
Reasons the Invasion of Earth Failed
9> Outsmart-akated by George Bush.
8> Turns out most humans don’t want to be ruled by an alien female with all the charm and good looks of their ex-wife or mother-in-law.
7> Advance scouts mistakenly informed superiors that natives were docile, brainless and easily controlled. Upon discovery of scouts’ unbelievable understatement, uncontrollably laughing invasion fleet crashes into Pacific Ocean.
6> They had a secret weapon. A being called Rosie O’Donnell. Her voice *ALONE* was enough to make our bravest warriors cringe.
5> “It took *FOREVER* to clear customs, and then we had to deal with Homeland Security, and Immigration got involved.”
4> “$4.50 for a freaking gallon of gas? Are you kidding me?? I’ve only got a $20. Ok, everyone, back to Mars!”
3> “Who would stick a tollbooth out in the middle of space? Somebody’s gotta go back and get a ****load of dimes!”
2> Apparently, our entire civilization is violently allergic to a creature they call a “cat.”
and the Number 1 Most Embarrassing Reason the Invasion of Earth Failed …
1> Landed in Nevada desert (again!), squandered invasion money on gambling and prostitutes, had to pawn spacecraft and towel, trying to hitchhike home.
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Credits:
Selected from 52 submissions from 14 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Andrea Kelly, Brookville, MD — 1
Tom Rodman, Durham, NC — 2, 5, 6 (Hat trick!)
Chris Pulliam, San Dimas, CA — 3
Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN — 4, 7
Aaron Giddings, Kirkland, WA — 8
Douglas Bishop, Fort Wayne, IN — 9
Chris von Seggern, Cibolo, TX — Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator
RUNNERS UP list — Fall-backs
Failed to anticipate our lack of immunity to the hynoptic wonder
of “Dancing with the Stars.”
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Internet connection was down, couldn’t GoogleEarth Earth.
(Andrea Kelly, Brookville MD)
Marvin foiled again by that smart-aleck rabbit.
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
Ran out of Tang.
(Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN)
Turns out Earth girls ain’t so easy after all.
(Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH)
Runners Up list name
(G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa)
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Internet connection was down, couldn’t GoogleEarth Earth.
(Andrea Kelly, Brookville MD)
Marvin foiled again by that smart-aleck rabbit.
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
Ran out of Tang.
(Barry Wallace, Knoxville, TN)
Turns out Earth girls ain’t so easy after all.
(Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH)
Runners Up list name
(G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa)
