NOTE FROM DAVE:

For most TV shows, the producers provide
guidebooks for those who write the episodes.
These are not public documents under normal
circumstances, but are used internally to keep
story and plots consistent through the run of
the series. Here are a few of our suggestions
for writers of science fiction shows:

The Top 9 Little-known Script
Guidelines for TV Science Fiction Writers

9> Star Trek: Voyager: Written in crayon on a coloring book page, glued to the front of the writer’s bible with paste: “My nam is Tommy. I lik dinosors and robot. Wen I gro up I wanto be The Rock. Star track is good like cokkies. My mommy is 7 and 9. Do what I say!”

8> The “laws” of physics are actually just rough guidelines – ignore them at your convenience.

7> There’s no secret decoder in the One Ring.

6> Regardless of race, alien delegations must have females attractive to male humans.

5> Battlestar Galactica (1978): Please remember, we only have three Viper vs. Cylon clips available, so please construct all dogfights using the following elements: Viper peels out of formation. Cylon fires and misses. Viper fires and hits.

4> All fantasy stories must contain at least one of the following: invisibility cloak, flying spell, bumbling wizard or buxom warrior babe.

3> Every original production from the Sci-Fi Channel: “We believe that the fundamental element of good original science fiction is simple: giant versions of normal animals, rendered poorly on computers we find at yard sales, chasing bad actors we

find at yard sales.”

2> Babylon 5: “We’ll keep these notes short and informal, since there’s no way in hell we can possibly stretch this lame-ass premise for more than one season.”

and the Number 1 Little-known Script Guideline for TV Science
Fiction Writers…

1> Our demographic target group is aging and their eyesight is fading. Thus enhanced images are required. So make her boobs bigger.

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Credits:

Selected from 22 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 1
Chris Woodall, Dayton, KY — 2, 3, 9 (Hat trick!)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 4, 8
Eric Akawie, Annandale, VA — 5
Arnold Gugarty Worcester, MA — 6
Guy Payne, Birmingham, AL — 7
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — Script Boy